A PIECE OF MY HEART!

”Tera woh pyaar yaad aayega, bhulega na yeh dil mera.”

We were just too cute together to not talk about it. I wanted my best people to read this so yes this is a special blog for my people to tell them about my first love. This might be a little emotional but please bear with me. I don’t speak about us anymore but had to one last time.

We were cute. We were just too cute. I am not exaggerating when I say this. We both studied in same school and were in same class in 9th. We were really good friends till 10th and then came the FEELINGS. I completed his home works, assignments sometimes when he would ask me to. I knew I had feelings for him when in 10th std but yes as always was scared to even admit it. So as any other girl would do, I admitted I had feelings for him to my best friend first and she was shocked af! Days passed by and me and him just spoke in school and one night when we were chatting through text messages I admitted to him that I love him. The conversation went like this,

”Should I say something?”, I said all scared how he will react.

”Bol na.” , he said.

” I think I love you.”, I sent this with trembling and cold hands.

” Are you serious simran?” , he was completely shocked and it was quite evident.

”No.. I was just kidding!” I sent this with thousands of laughing emojis.

” I know you are not because I love you too.”, he sent this and I was into the 7th heaven.

Thus, we began dating and it was a fantastic feeling always. It was filled with so much just so much of emotions. Like any teenage couple we were caught by our parents but we were besharam enough to continue dating each other. 10th std was over with too much of thrill. Then began the next stage of our relationship, THE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

The long distance relationship was really tough as he was in a military school and thus had no chance of having a cell phone to talk. Yet we managed for some months just like that. Later on I couldn’t take it anymore so I ended up breaking up with him. I was very selfish while taking that decision and I’ve hurt him way too much in those months and years. He stood by me even then. He never left me alone. He maintained a relationship of good friend even when he was hurting so much from within. My instability and insecurities hurt him way too much than he ever talks about it. I kept coming back to him to leave him again and this happened quite too many times which couldn’t even be counted. We went just like that for almost 2 years. We stayed the best of friends even after the beak up without any intentions of getting back together. He always told me, ” Shona focus and live your present. You never know what the future holds for you or us.” I played with his emotions with no such intention but it happened and I am genuinely sorry for that.

Months passed and then one day in September 2018 we were just talking and it somehow led to us getting back together again. We committed to stay together for as long as we could. I swear on him on God that the time since September 2018- January 2020 was THE BEST TIME OF MY LIFE. I had moved to Navi mumbai for my graduation studies and he was pursuing his NDA exam. We stood by each other through all of this. I kept motivating him to crack his NDA exam and all other exams that he was attempting. He kept me sane through my architectural studies and y submission stress. The thought of staying away from him never even occurred to my mind after that. I kept living in my present happy with him. In June 2019 he told me he is also gonna shift to Navi Mumbai and he was pursuing his career in B.Sc Finance in a college at Kharghar. The happiness we shared had no bounds as we were going to be in the same city with complete freedom. He moved in to Kharghar in June last week.

The time spent with him there cannot even be expressed in words. We did all the crazy things. We got drunk, we went to so many places and had the best time of life. Days passed and he finally started getting comfortable with hi college and new friends. We spent our weekends together and it was a crazy time. It was like we were living the dream life. My birthday was the most special part of everything. All of friends n he had planned such a beautiful surprise for me. It was once in a lifetime experience. We had begun fighting a little too much from like November and it was driving both of us crazy. I would talk to him about this but we could never come to a conclusion. I won’t go into the details of our fights as I want to forget that part from my life.

As they say all beautiful things come to an ending, we too had to end someday. My life turning out too good to be true past one n half year. He broke up with me in January 2020 and a tight sap of karma hit my face. All those things that I had said to him earlier came back flying to me like a boomerang and hit right in my face. We parted our ways. It was ugly. It was very ugly. No break-ups are easy and this wasn’t either. But I did learn many things from this breakup.

He was always a place for me to escape from my family issues. They hurt me too much so I would always go to him for peace. He was my safe place. He wasn’t just my boyfriend he was much more than that to me. But yes I realized that I can’t take help of any person to run away from my life problems. No one can help me get away from those and I have to face them someday. He taught me how to love myself. He made me do all the wonderful things which I never though I could do. He taught me so much about life. In this era of physical relationship, we shared a genuine love relationship. It was the most beautiful feeling I have ever experienced till now. I feel glad to have shared all my firsts with you. We were beautiful. We were something. I know things don’t work out anymore but I am happy it happened. I don’t want it back or him either but it was a wonderful feeling. I have let it all go finally after almost 7 months of breakup. We both learned so many things from each other. Even if this won’t reach him today I am glad I could share it with you few people. The magic of first love is totally different and lucky are those who have had this feeling. I will always know that one part of my heart belongs to him no matter how far we go from each other. He is a gem of a person and he doesn’t know it but he is very genuine and calm person.

Thank you for reading guys. I just had to let it out and yes this is the last time I speak about him to anybody. It was beautiful and I will cherish it always. Love you guys for listening to my tantrums always. Loads of love and hugs!

HELLO AUGUST!

Sketch credits: Shruti Patil

Hey August! We have met too soon right? I t feels like it was yesterday when we last met and I realize how different everybody’s life was the last time they met you. Everybody was in a different state of mind last time you came. Me for example was happy and enjoying the birthday party of my friends while being completely wrapped up with college work. The world functioned too differently and now it seems like will we ever get back to that and actually the question is do we want that exact same life back or are we getting comfortable living this way? It’s a question I guess everybody must be thinking about.

I for one hope that we get back to the old life with some alterations and modifications that we learned this quarantine. Let the importance of humans and their lives become more important to us than all the petty materialistic things. Let the mind and soul be fresh and without any regrets of the past. Let the humanity that is restored now be consistent. The world is moving at a very quick pace and we often find ourselves lost in this big place. Let the month of August help us continue the practices we began in July and help us learn new theories and facts about our own selves. Let’s continue the beautiful journey of self discovery this month too and for as long as it takes. So yes, Hey August I hope you are full of hope and strength.

Broken and Beautiful.

ART CREDITS: @SHRUTIPATIL

Have you seen how a broken vase or a glass reflects and transmits light? The beauty of that broken glass is way higher than the one that’s unbroken. Broken is not bad, broken is beautiful.

No journey is ever filled with only positives. You will have your negatives to go through and it’s up to you what you wanna make out of that negatives. It can be something very beautiful or you can sit there doomed about the whole experience. So why not turn it into something beautiful?? Broken and beautiful let’s keep this the punch line of our lives. Let’s eliminate the idea that broken is bad.

To the human who feels anxious about being broken,

“Hey human!! I know you’ve been through a lot and that has changed you in ways you could never even think of. I just want you to know that it’s completely okay to have bad days and bad phases in life. They will shape you in a very beautiful way and you will be stunned by the way trauma changes you. You matter and your problems matter no matter how small they might be for others they are a big part of your life. You don’t have to worry about what other people may say or think about your trauma. Something happened to you and you are giving your best to get out of that space. You can take all the time you want to be back on your own feet. Healing is messy and never a linear process. You will keep snapping back at it but all I want you to know that it’s okay to take all the time you need. You never asked for all this but it’s a great experience if you look into the bigger picture. You are learning many new things, you are experiencing many emotions at once, you are transforming yourself completely from within. Outer transformation is easier than the inner transformation.

You never tried to escape the situation and that makes you a warrior. You never asked for sympathy and went winning all those mini battles of your emotions. So yes you matter and I guess it’s time you show your scars off proudly. It wasn’t your mistake that things happened to you. Look into the bigger picture and maybe you will look at your trauma through a different perspective. You don’t have to ignore your emotions or hide them. Be proud of what your trauma has taught you. Let me tell you one thing, life is no fun without some obstacles and bad phases. It feels horrible right now but trust me it will get better and you will heal. You will heal through your trauma and you will be happy this happened. You can be tired as long as you want, you can be sad as long as you want but get back up the moment you feel that this is it! Snap out of it and you will be great. You are broken and it’s beautiful. It’s okay you feel things a little more than others do. You will heal. Be calm and patient with yourself. Stay strong and move ahead in the direction of finding yourself. “

Shout out to anyone who feels guilty for being broken. You are great and you matter. Be proud that you survived it all. Spread love. Heal. Grow. Support. Share it with someone that you know needs to read this.

A LETTER.

SKETCH CREDITS: @Shruti Patil

” It’s about who stays, not who promised. ” Didn’t we all agree to this quote said by Berlin in money heist? In the end all that matters is who stuck by their words not who promised you a universe. So here’s a shout-out to all the people that stayed, You’ll make this world a better place to live in. This letter is for you.

To the people who stayed,

People came and people left but you stayed. You stayed during the highs during the lows and through all that I went . You make me keep my trust in this world even now. Sticking by your people through their hard times isn’t something that every random person can do. It requires great amount of courage and strength. It takes immense courage to watch your loved ones go through a hard time when you know that you really cannot do much to reduce their pain.

Do you know who encouraged me to get over everything? It was you my human whose assurance, whose presence made me believe that I’ve got this. Your daily assurances that it’s all gonna be okay made this bearable. You made me believe in myself again. When the world kept taking me down you lent me your hand to rise again. You proved that it’s not the duration of any relationship which makes people stay but it’s their love and commitment towards you. Staying is always an option so I am grateful that you chose to stay. I owe you my everything. You helped me get over my insecurities, my fears and my doubts. It was not always the sweet words that helped me. You made me see the reality which I always denied. You appreciated the positives and depreciated the negatives. You made me into who I am today. You understood me on the days when I wanted to be left alone while assuring me that you are here if I need anything. You understood me on the days when I didn’t understand myself. Thank you isn’t enough for people like you who stayed. I am blessed to have you in my life. Stay the same amazing person that you are. Thank you for everything. You’ve got me for anything that you’ll ever need. Loads of love to you! ❤ ”

We all have been blessed by such precious gems in our lives. It’s a great time to thank such people in your lives. Let’s put the people who left us behind and focus on the people we have got!

MISSED CONNECTION!

SKETCHING CREDITS: @SHRUTI PATIL

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list” -Michelle Obama.

Dear self,

“Hey! I’ve missed you so much. It’s been a long time since we have connected, isn’t it? It’s been a bumpy but a beautiful ride all the way here. I had to gather lots of courage to come and a have a talk with you. How would I even face you after I did what I did to you? But yes here I am asking you to forgive me for always putting others before you. I have realized my worth way too much in past few days. So yes here I am to rekindle that lost bond with you. I understand your agony and disappointment, but rise above all this darling. A world full of dreams, hopes, opportunities is waiting to embrace you. You’re such a beautiful human being. All the difficulties and obstacles were not just for nothing. You faced your fears boldly that too all by yourself. You got over your insecurities all by yourself. Isn’t it amazing? You should be proud of yourself for not turning into a cold person even when you were hurting. You should be proud of yourself for never giving up on your own self. You are stronger than you think you are. You are loved immensely by many. Go conquer all that you have always dreamed of. Love yourself and the people around you. Loving people around you is what makes you ‘you’. Do not give it up for anyone or anything. Be fearless and bold as you’ve always been. Make yourself proud. Do everything that’s in your power to build your dream life. Life has much more to offer than just pain and heartbreak. There are many beautiful places yet to be discovered by you, many beautiful people you haven’t met yet, many beautiful songs yet for you to hear and many beautiful and splendid moments for you to witness. Stay the same wonderful person you are. Be a freaking force of nature. Keep hoping for a beautiful future and I promise you it is all going to be okay. Maybe one day you will tell someone about this storm and it will inspire them to go on. It will be a wonderful feeling, right? So, just hold on.

I won’t get away from you again don’t you worry about that. This is my happy place. I am my own happy place. “

To all those who haven’t been okay lately or have lost touch with their own selves this is for you. Keep going. It’s all worth something. Happy discovering and healing!

A CALM IN THE CHAOS.

SKETCHING CREDITS: @Shruti Patil

“Remaining calm in the midst of a chaos is a superpower.”, rightly said by Clyde Lee Denis. Life keeps testing you under immense pressure and all you can do about it is stay calm. Staying calm is an art. So just like art, everybody has their own style. It’s a state of mind which once reached is the most comforting space mentally you can ever be in. Amidst all the chaos we experience some moments which help us maintain that state of mind.

  • The fragrance of freshly wet mud and lush green grass.
  • A song that randomly comes up and opens up all the windows of memories.
  • Getting back home to a wagging tail.
  • Smiling at random people and getting a smile back from them.
  • A hot cup of coffee with your favourite book.
  • A trek in the windy hills with your friends.

Even thinking about these moments gave a smile on your face, didn’t it? So yeah finding your own ways of staying calm becomes really necessary with time. Amidst this chaotic and uncertain world won’t it be really amazing to have one activity or anything which just takes you away from all this stress and anxiety? The most important thing that remains is defining your own state of calm. Look up at the sky, look at the way clouds keep forming certain patterns no matter what the weather is going to be like.

When all this pandemic chaos is over we will have to get back to our lives and won’t it be really peaceful to get back into the world with an entirely positive mindset? Let us all just focus on ourselves and try to figure out our own definition of calm. This will help us stay sane no matter what the world throws at us again. Let’s dedicate the month of July to self care and self analysis. Let’s be a little sensitive towards our mind and thoughts.

Happy discovering everyone! 🤗

HEY JULY!!

Hey july,

You seem a pretty calm month after having survived the first 6 months full of storm and change. Too early to say this, isn’t it? Well, I choose to trust you this time. The early months have been pretty rough on everyone out there, will you be a little sensitive?

People have seen their lives take an unexpected turn, their plans being shattered, their mental health go from good to bad or bad to good in these few months. Everyone is in search of some kind of peace. The world has taken a hault and it doesn’t seem to resume anytime soon. To explain the last few months in just one sentence this is the perfect idiom, ” All hell broke loose “. All of this did have some positive impacts on our minds, the nature and the humanity, but we are done now, aren’t we? So yeah, Hey July, could you just ease everything out for us now? Just give us some peace of mind and a sense of stability. Just like how the sunflowers bloom looking towards the sun and spread happiness and hope around in this month, could we look at you and hope for the same? Just like how the rains spread a sense of tranquility to mother Earth, could you do the same for us? Hopes up July! You will be a fantastic month for us, won’t you? Well I won’t say this and jinx it😬

– Simran Khare

About

Hi everyone! First of all thank you for visiting this blog of mine. I’ve been passionate about writing since a long time but never gave it much of a thought. So yeah here I am trying to explore my writing skills through this great platform. Hope you’ll keep supporting me and the first blog will be up very soon. Thank you!

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